Oh no wait, that last bit was from ‘The Matrix’, which is all I could think of in the first half hour of this rubbish. ‘Wanted’ is adapted from a recent graphic novel but apparently has quite a few changes. Maybe it would have been better if it had stuck more rigidly to the source material. Overall it’s just a big pile of fluffy nonsense. But it is quite a lot of fun too. There are some great set pieces and well used special effects. However it’s worth no more than 3 crumbs out of 10.

It doesn’t pretend to be any more than it is, which is a credit. It’s crude, juvenile and full of slapstick and while it’s very hit and miss, the hits are pretty good. The whole cast is great and the song that Ferrell and Reilly perform is brilliant. It gets 4 crumbs out of 10 from me.

Instead what we got was a very simple story barely worthy of an X-Files TV episode and a subplot with only a tenuous link to the main plot. There was some stuff to like about it though. The film didn’t get bogged down in trying to fill in the gap of the last six years, the Mulder & Scully relationship was kept understated and it adequately dealt with issues of belief, faith, morals, etc. among the main characters. Some of the outdoor scenes in the snow were nicely shot and there were a lot of night scenes, reminiscent of the television episodes. I also loved all the little nods to the ardent fan. Since seeing the film I’ve even read about a couple more injokes that I hadn’t noticed. It was also fun to recognise some of downtown Vancouver in one scene.

The film had a supposed $30m budget and will need to top that comfortably in box office takings if Fox are to greenlight another film in the franchise. For an opening day release, the theatre I was in had a good crowd but was nowhere near sold out (unlike the myriad Batman showings over the last week).

I really hope we get a third X-Files as it will probably go back to dealing with the overall mythology arc of the show, particularly with 2012 being set as a pivotal year in the show’s storyline some time ago. But that hypothetical film would require a bigger budget and I fear that it might not happen.

Anyway, I give ‘I Want to Believe’ 5 crumbs out of 10.

The plot flows along at a fast pace with one great scene after another. The performances are all excellent, particularly Heath Ledger who perfectly encapsulated The Joker. The film has a good score and its running time of two and a half hours just flies by and you’re left wanting more. Easily the best film of the year so far and I’m looking forward to watching it again. 8 crumbs out of 10.

Of course, I knew this film was bad before watching it but I really just wanted to see the roles played by Stephen Colbert and John Oliver, two fine comedians. Unfortunately most of Oliver’s scenes seemed to be with Mike Myers so I couldn’t stand to watch them. Thankfully Colbert’s role as a drug addicted, ice hockey sportscaster provided some redemption. The material was bad but Colbert’s delivery could still crack you up.

The writing as a whole seemed to have been done by a retarded, mongoloid 12 year old and I’d imagine that most retarded, mongoloid 12 year olds would be embarrassed by it. A shockingly atrocious film, although it did give me an excuse to put up a picture of Jessica Alba. Still, 0 crumbs out of 10.

There’s quite a bit of good to the film but a quite a lot of bad too (pretty much like the lead character). The third act in particular is woeful. I did like the whole concept of the alcoholic, inconsiderate superhero and I’ve read that the original screenplay was much darker and so too was the first cut of the film but it suffered a lot of edits to avoid an R rating. That kind of told in the film. I got a real feeling that there was so much more that could have been done with it. I think it would make an interesting television series but that’s probably unlikely. 4 crumbs out of 10.

There’s not a whole lot of sex in the film. It’s mostly conversations about sex and relationships. In fact it’s more of a play than a feature film. Oh, and it’s also a comedy. There are quite a few laugh out loud scenes. It’s a well written piece but there isn’t much to take away from the film. There are no lessons learned or life issues dealt with. Plus some of the acting was pretty weak. 4 crumbs out of 10.

They go on a rollercoaster ride, from one crazy situation to the next, sending up plenty of racist and ignorant prejudices along the way. Of course the highlight of the film, as with the first, is when they run into the legendary Neil Patrick Harris. 5 crumbs out of 10.

The plot and the set pieces are fantastically bizarre and you can’t help but love every minute of it. Recommended for anyone looking for a surreal thrill ride! 6 crumbs out of10.

What’s noticeable about the film is that it doesn’t have quite the level of brutality so often seen in WWII films. Sure, those damn crazy Nazi knobheads get to shout a lot and get a few digs in but the crux of this film is in the moral ambiguity among the group of prisoners, particularly its leader. By helping out the Nazis, he gets to prolong his life but has the guilt of, well, helping the Nazis!

It’s based on a true story but everything in it seems so neatly packaged into an award-seeking film. It has all the formulaic elements of a decent script without any of the oomph that makes a great film stick in your head for a long, long time afterwards. 5 crumbs out of 10.